Khalas: it is the end

One week and a day since I landed at JFK airport in New York. It is time I say my peace and close this blog.  I have been thinking (and dreading) about it all week: how to summarize a year, what to say.  Khalas (enough), I cannot do that for I would not know where to begin.

Since being home, my family has picked up a few words in Arabic that I cannot leave out of conversation. It is fun hearing my sister try to get the proper amount of rasp in some of the words, and then to use the words in the proper context.  I am so grateful for my family and the willingness to just accept my occasional accent, my tea addiction, scattered Arabic and random stories about my time in Jordan.

The truth is, I think about Jordan all of the time. It is so fresh and still so real for me.  I found a family, built a community, and made wonderful friends there.  I have a life still in Amman, and my only consolation (besides returning to my life in the States) is that I will be back again.  A part of me is there, therefore, I must go back. And yet, a big part of me is here.

I did not just fall in love with Jordan. There were things that drove me crazy about the society, certain behaviors and traditions that were uncomfortable for me.  Yet, much of who the people are, and more importantly, how they are, I have found endearing.  I have adopted a lot from the culture.  In many ways, I have created an identity for myself there.

So, here I am, going through reverse culture-shock.  Why is water everywhere? Why is everything so big?  Why are politics so petty?  I often laugh to myself, and at myself, as I re-adjust.  I have such a patient and forgiving family.  God bless them for letting me go, and God bless them even more for letting me return.

This summer I am grateful for a nannying job that will allow me to relax and breathe as I prepare to jump into my last year at Denison University.  Thankfully, for that part of my life - my senior year - I have a tentative roadmap.  That roadmap ends on graduation day, and is replaced by a threshold of hopes and dreams that may or may not be realized.  My big hope is that one day, I'll be able to marry my two lives - my American life with my Middle Eastern life, and not lose a part of me to either place...... Ensha'allah.  God willing.

Khalas, it is time to close.  Thank you for following with my these past eight months as I studied and observed Jordan, its people, culture and traditions.  A lot has happened, and I know I was not very faithful on relaying the political events to you. I could only try to accurately and fairly relate what my life in Amman was like, realizing that it would be fruitless to try to generalize the people and politics, and what a daily life looked like for a Jordanian.  But the piece of it that I could share, I hope, if anything, sparked some interest in the country and the region.

If you are still curious about my experience or want to talk about the Arab Spring, come find me and I will be more than willing to put some mint and tea in a kettle, and sit with you and talk and ponder over sweet chai. Perhaps, if I am successful, there will be fresh baked pita bread and homemade hummus and falafel.  That may come after a bit of practice.  But come anyways, you are welcome, ahlan wa sahlan! 

!مع السلامة

~ Erin "Aronna" "Sua'ad" "Areen" ارن